


A Guilty Heart

by xLovelyPoisonx



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-19 04:11:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5953150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xLovelyPoisonx/pseuds/xLovelyPoisonx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isn't this what you've wanted for so long? It is, she thinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Guilty Heart

She does this in a moment of weakness. 

At least, that’s what she tells herself later, when she’s lying alone on her bed with a pillow clutched to her chest over her throbbing heart. But that’s another story entirely– 

Seeing him lying there on an infirmary bed, unconscious, breathing finally regulated, but still so battered, so broken– it nearly destroys her. 

She runs fingers back through his bangs, pushing them away from his forehead, where they’ve become matted to the skin due to his sweating so profusely. He isn’t out of the woods yet; she knows this, and it only serves to make her feel all the more guilty for not doing something– for not saving him from such a fate.

A damp, cool cloth is laid across his forehead, and she silently sends up a prayer to a god she doesn’t even worship that they will spare her the pain of losing Lavi. 

“Don’t take him.” She pleads, because she has not the energy to make demands of an entity that may or may not be out there listening.

She caresses one of his strangely pale cheeks with the backs of her fingers before cupping it instead, choosing to trace the pronounced line of his cheekbone with her thumb.

It’s then that this weakness strikes her.

An overwhelming desire washes over her, and the intensity of it frightens her. _Do it_ , a voice whispers. _He’ll never know. No one will, so long as you keep your mouth shut._

_Isn’t this what you’ve wanted for so long?_

It is. And the fact alone frightens her more than any akuma. She knows his duties as a bookman will always take precedence over anything else, and as soon as Bookman commands they leave, Lavi will go. _There won’t be a Lavi after that_. 

She doesn’t want anyone else. Only Lavi. The Lavi she knows now…She knows he isn’t _real_. But he’s solid, and warm, and when he laughs she feels as if her heart could soar. When he smiles in her direction, she wonders if he knows that he’s set loose a swarm of butterflies in her stomach.

_It’s only fair_ , the voice whispers to her again. Just once– and no one ever has to know.

She finds herself nodding in agreement to this voice that no one else can hear– the voice of temptation, so sweet, whispering everything she wants to hear in low, seductive tones.

And so she leans in, pressing her lips to his.

But it’s wrong. His lips feel cold, chapped…He’s normally so warm, so vibrant, as if a blazing fire personified. This is wrong.

She leaves the room before any of the nurses come to check on Lavi’s condition.

Leaves before anyone can see the tears stinging in the corners of her eyes. 

Leaves before anyone can hear the sound of her heart shattering.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally a response to a meme that I wrote on tumblr. But I feel rather proud of it, so I decided to post it here. Feel free to leave feedback, or even requests! Note: I reserve the right to refuse a request if I don't feel comfortable writing for the characters/pairing suggested, etc.


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